The Stages Of Horngry

Are you Hungry? Angry? Horny? ALL OF THEM??!?!

I usually ride the wave of the last category and boy oh boy, it's a tough life living in horngry purgatory.

It usually goes a little something like this…

Stage A

Peckish. I'm feeling peckish. I'm also feeling for an orgasm.

Feelings for both are dismissed due to being preoccupied with other more meaningless tasks.

An hour later.

Stage B

Hm, I should have at least fixed one of the pending situations noted above.

Cue anger at one-self for not doing something about it earlier.

Stage C

Do I, a) Pleasure one self or find lover to do it for me? Or b) Food. Find food.

This is a tough choice, only those who are strong willed and minded are able to continue through this stage without being sucked into a vortex of anxiety filled with more questions that need decisions.

Stage Unknown

I have yet to progress through stage C as I am devising epic plans to do it all at once. Watch me work my magic.

During this stage you use your smooth pick up lines e.g. "What's cooking good looking?", to try and create an intimate setting between yourself and chosen orgasm provider. This pick up line in particular is a good choice as it's cheesy enough to hit on someone, whilst still referring to the food you also long for.

Stage D

I must remove my pants in the most appealing way possible to show orgasm provider that I am ready for their lovin' and that I have also created more room for food.

This is where shit gets serious. What does orgasm provider give you first? A mind blowing fuck or a magnificent cheese toastie? The ball is in their court. Let them decide your fate.

Stage E

This feels goooooood. Soooo goooood.

What ever orgasm provider has given you, you must now return the favour. Unless enough cheese toasties were made for the both of you, you cannot be a selfish fuck. Be the person you decided to be during your New Years resolution; be selfless.

Stage F

I MUST do the other thing now (This could either be the orgasm you have yet to receive, or to devour the delicious goodness that just needs to be in an around your mouth).

At this point you're set with the task of eliminating all the aspects of Horngry. You've got this, I believe in you.

Stage G

Yasss Queen. I have accomplished the most important goals I have set out for myself since I decided to be an astronaut at 15.

By now you will have accomplished both gaining orgasm and sustenance. Congratulations, you may live another day knowing you will return to these stages in the next 24-48 hours.